Think about this, Carlos Zambrano walks 3 men in one inning, throws close to 40 pitches in that inning, has all sorts of control problems, has a misplayed ball (sorta) behind him, the ump is squeezing him a little, and the Cubs blew a chance at scoring runs in the first inning.

You’re saying meltdown?

I’m saying Nationals.

They are bad, and these two wins have been more about bad Natty pitching instead of clutch Cub hitting. These guys are as bad as Natty Ice, and about as well-marketed too.

I don’t know what to take from these two games, but, hey, a win is a win.

as seen and read here

As the Cubs exit Detroit without a win many Cub fans have to wonder if now is the time to give up on this team. Mired in a funk, the Cubs are going to have to self evaluate where they are as a team.

I still hold the position that this team still isn’t playing up to where they should be, and while it’s not right to say that they played well this series, they were never really out of any game.

It’s a small consolation prize, perhaps the only thing that the Cubs can take from this game is that Carlos Marmol needs to find his command and stop dipping his elbow when releasing his slider, causing him to miss high or wide.

The only good news came from everyone else in the division losing, with the Reds suffering perhaps the biggest loss as Dusty Baker has claimed another young pitcher in Edinson Volquez who will be shelved indefinitely with elbow inflammation.

Cubs fans should also note that relying on career minor leaguers is not the way the Cubs will find themselves atop the division come October. Soriano showed life in his bat, but he will need to go on a crazy hitting binge to lift this team to anything besides its first sub .500 record since he was signed.

Derrek Lee had his hitting streak snapped, but he is still driving the ball with authority, and Ted Lilly had a bad game.

A series sweep is not the end of the world, it is a major setback. It will be interesting to see how the Cubs react to the sweep, if Hendry will go out and make a move, if another coach gets canned, but the one thing the Cubs cannot do is press.

Because if you press or try too hard in baseball, you’re toast.

Both teams helped eachother out over the weekend, the Cubs are starting to rise a little, and the Sox are looking to put together a run.

We’ll start with those Cubs:

The Good

Derrek Lee continues to rake at the dish, Geo Soto hit a homer, and overall this offense is looking like it’s clicking. Randy Wells got his first career victory, pitching extremely well into the seventh, and that Jake Fox guy can hit a little. His defense at third was not terrible, either. Milton Bradley also got two hits in three at bats, and all of the bats look quicker, which is pretty amazing this time of year. Ascanio, Marshall and Gregg all got the job done too, a solid overall performance.

The Bad

Boy, Fonzi still has yet to join the party really, and it looks like that injury is a lot worse than everyone thinks it is. Good news is that with all the bats going, Lou is freed up to sit Sori this week, giving him a much needed rest. Angel Guzman is also on the DL with tightness, the 15-day variety, which isn’t too good. He is probably the most stable penmate right now. I don’t really trust anyone else out of that bullpen like I trust Angel, but this stretch will be a good test.

The Misc.

Can we stop with the DeRo love? It’s annoying. He played two years here and got standing O’s all series long. I liked him, but COME ON!

Southside:

The Good

Boy, Mark Buehrle continues to deal on the mound. Seven very strong innings and he has 7 wins on a bad Sox team. That’s solid. Linebrink didn’t blow chunks, Scotty Po continues his rise to mediocrity that will no doubt make him a legend again, and Beckham went 2-3. Bobby Jenks, while still fat, is very effective, and the Sox are putting something together it seems.

The Bad

Linebrink is getting hit hard. He threw hard and if not for that line drive being right at someone, fans would be calling for the dude’s head. The Sox also won the game, which is still fooling fans into thinking that they can compete this year. It’s a lie, guys, this team will do very very well in the future, but not this year.

The Misc.

Buehrle is 19-6 in interleague in his career, and for my bet, he will probably get closer to 300 wins than most people think. He just knows how to pitch.

That was more like the 2008 Cubs team. The Sox bullpen has been surprisingly good this year, again proving the theory that ‘pens fluctuate wildly. Scott Linebrink was having a baaaaad week, and remember that I said that pitching is partly what the pitcher does, partly what the hitter does/fails to do, and partly what the defense does.

The balance was very tilted in that regard when Linebrink hit the rubber. Look, he’s not as good as his 2.45 era said he was, and it showed. But defensively the White Sox let the dude down. And before anyone does something stupid like blame Ozzie for leaving his reliever out there remember that sometimes you have to trust your gut as a manager, and Ozzie’s gut betrayed him.

It wiped out a solid if not lucky start by Floyd. Floyd has a tendency to give up the gopher ball and his flyball tendencies showed up yesterday. If he is going to be successful, it’s going to have to happen in another uniform, because he is teetering on the brink right now, and I understand that his last few starts have been very impressive.

The Soriano debacle took another odd turn as he keyed one rally and ended the game on a positive note. He was the spark plug that Cubs fans wanted in the 8th, and he was hit lucky in the 9th.

What does that mean? Absolutely nothing, momentum is the next day’s starting pitcher and while wins like this are nice they don’t ignite a team, really. Good play ignites a team, not superficial things like rallies and mediocre old minor leaguers.

Jake Fox is a DH. His power is very very real. Baseball Prospectus also notes that his power is his only real tool. I don’t know if he developed a better batting eye, or if he figured out how to make himself a line drive hitter, but what I do know is that when the Cubs go to the AL parks, it will be a good shop-around for any AL team looking to sell parts at the deadline. He and Micah should be moved for either a bullpen arm, or another bat, preferably up the middle.

He just missed connecting on a HR against the Sox, and while I’d love to see his bat in the lineup everyday, his glove just does not play anywhere.

The overall feeling that both Cubs and Sox fans should get from this game is that both teams are very mediocre. The problem actually comes from which team has been overperforming and which has been underperforming. Both teams will wake up 4 games back and while the Sox fan will say that their division is worse, their team is also overperforming.

Which means that a regression towards the mean will hurt the Sox a lot more than it will hurt the underperforming Cubs. Add to the fact that while both teams’ sluggers are hurt, Aramis has a much deeper resume than Carlos Quentin.

I’ve heard that the prognostication for the Cubs is actually worse. I don’t see how, at least for this year. The Sox can make their chances at a WS crown much better by selling off parts this year to build a true contender.

In a make or break month for the Cubs they have gotten off to a pretty slow start. They are going to need to sweep the Indians and start making noise because I don’t like the rest of that schedule.

Round 2 at The Cell will be a far more interesting series, I think. The Cubs could have used the DH this year, as Jake Fox is a hitting beast, but he should probably leave his glove at home.

I wonder if Jim Thome even owns a glove….

So the real John Danks isn’t as far off as some wanted to believe…

The truth about pitching is that it’s partly what the pitcher does, partly what the defense does, and partly what the batter does/fails to do. Yesterday was a rare instance where all three mixed together equally.

Part of Danks’ success was due to the fact that he had his good stuff. The other part was that the Cub hitters could not lay off the low and outside change up. The reason he didn’t allow more runs was actually due to a shaky defense.

I’m not going to take anything away from John Danks, he’s a terrific pitcher. But yesterday was just as much about the Cubs failing as it was John Danks succeeding.

Apart from that the other thing that will get looked over is the fact that the Sox scored runs in every way possible, yet only scored four of them. There was a home run, a bloop single followed by a triple, a suicide squeeze and a sac fly. All those generated only one run.

Ryan Dempster also figured out a way to limit the damage to keep the Cubs in the game, but he needed to hit some bombs if he was going to win this game. He did not have good stuff, and that’s understandable given his situation.

All in all it was exciting bad baseball, look for more of the same today.

Boy has Chicago baseball been ugly. I rememeber the All City team last year being halfway respectable, but this year it’s just bad bad BAD! It’s so bad there will be no bench. Nine fielders, one DH, 5 starters, 6 relievers.

Let the suck begin!

Catcher-A.J. Pierzynski

Captain asshat is having a pretty good offensive season, he’s up over .300 and he’s getting his usual assortment of extra base hits. A.J. isn’t much of a catcher anymore, he kinda sucks behind the dish, but his bat carries his terrible defense for now.

1B-Paul Konerko

I love me some DLEE, but Konerko is having a better season, but not by much. The difference isn’t all that big and while DLEE is the smarter player, Konerko hits better. The returns, however, aren’t as large as some Cubs fans want to believe.

2B-Bobby Scales

Do you know how bad this team just got? A career 31-year-old minor leaguer is on this list. That’s god awful. He’s not even with the big league club anymore. But he’s better than Getz and Miles!

SS-Ryan Theriot

For all his baseball stupidity, Ryan does swing a decent stick. It’s not terrible, but his glove belongs at second. He has neither the arm nor the range to play an effective shortstop.

3B-Mike Fontenot

I actually have to stick little Mikey here, even though he’s bad. If there was ever a physical representation of how bad baseball is in Chicago at the moment, this is it. Mike Fontenot is the starting 3B. Yeesh.

RF-Jermaine Dye

I really thought Milton would break the squad this year, ending the stranglehold that Dye has had here since he came to the Windy City. Dye is having another solid season, but he might not be around for the entire season.

CF-Kosuke Fukudome

He is falling fast. Really really fast. He’s doing the patented spin like a top after striking out move. It’s really his best finishing move. He does play a pretty good CF and he gets to some balls that I didn’t know he could when he started playing there. His glove is carrying his struggling slumping bat here.

LF-Alfonso Quentin

Yep, I’m putting them together just to avoid putting Scotty-Po’s empty .300 hitting butt.

DH-Micah Hoffpauir

DAMNIT JIM THOME WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SUCK THIS YEAR! NOW I HAVE TO STICK FAN FAVORITE AND MEDIOCRE PLAYER MICAH HERE!

Wait, what’s that? Jim has a .403 obp and a .513 slugging percentage? Really? So he doesn’t suck like ALL SOX FANS SAY HE DOES THIS YEAR? In that case

DH-Micah Hoffpauir

DH-Jim Thome

Ahhh, much better.

The 5 SP’s

Ted Lilly, Mark Buerhle, Carlos Zambrano, Rich Harden, Ryan Dempster

This squad is actually pretty solid. The starting pitching really hasn’t been the problem in Chicago. Lilly is definitely the Ace of the staff. Buerhle is having another solid season, Z has turned it on of late, Rich Harden as well, and Ryan is in a pretty dominant stretch of games. Good staff.

The 6 RP’s.

Bobby Jenks, Angel Guzman, Matt Thorton, DJ Carrasco, Octavio Dotel, Carlos Marmol

Another solid squad. The pitching has been very good this year, but the Pen is better on the South Side. Bobby Jenks is a great closer, Guzman is the star in the Cubs Pen, and Matt Thornton deserves an all star spot.

So there is your collection of meh.

Indeed. Perhaps the baseball gods looked down upon what had transpired in Chicago since the inception of the new season and deemed it all BAD. And the gods smote the start of our festival, frowning upon our indulgence in drink, false idols (Reed Johnson, Scotty Po, and other mediocre players and old minor leaguers) and deemed us unworthy of an immaculate series.

Take this as a warning, heathens, demand better baseball else you incur the wrath of ye gods.